Jumping forward in time. I saved up and fled New Zealand…
I started my life as a worker guy. I entered the blue collar Auzzie workspace.
Back in New Zealand, I had burned my whole weed crop (about 50K worth) made a video of it, and shown all my old crew, in an affirmation of drug-free freedom, so reckless and unqualified that it amounted to a denial of any kind of restraint and limitation.
This did not have the effect I thought It was going to… and I was not seen as strong or cool.
My rep was so bad from that episode I basically hid, working as a painter in Auckland until I saved up enough to flee NZ.
So I moved away from New Zealand and found my way into the harsh dry land of the Auzzie Bloke Jobsite.
My twistedness was not even noticed. The crazed experiences of my insane life were just funny smoko stories now…
(What is smoko? A break in the work of the morning or of the afternoon, originally to allow time for workers to smoke tobacco; food, or drink consumed at that time. If you look it up online you will go down the rabbit hole of the Auzzie smoko world. Songs, articles, and smoko culture.)
My past just relegated to insase stories to make workmates laugh … everyone I worked with was a battered twisted freak. I was in Australia.
Top-level New Zealand twisted Hobo… is about entry-level Auzzie job site apprentice. So I fit right in.
Through the time-honored medium of physical toil, the long road of true healing had began.
It is around this time I started writing, and in bouts of late-night stream-of-consciousness catharsis, I found that I could spin a yarn…this is one of my first attempts…
Here Is a Raw document of a young man’s life as he claws his way up the ladder to respectability. Still clawing to this day.
It is the Year 2000 and the place is Goulburn New South Wales, Australia.
Me and my Team are building a huge copper dome.
The New South Wales Courthouse Dome.
I am 23 years old at this writing…
Some maggots broke into the work site of the big copper dome we are making and ate all our chocolate biscuits and they threw our tea bags everywhere and stole our crowbar, then they came back and smashed our jam jar spatting jam everywhere and the same with the chili sauce and they threw the vice off the roof into the field.
So we rigged up this pressure plate alarm system so if anyone stands on the boards of the second landing a huge hidden car horn goes off at face level !!
This alerts us in the hotel across the road.
It went off by accident in the middle of the night, and I got there with hand carved wooden sword in hand in 55 seconds. That’s about enough time for them to wonder what all the noise is before they find themselves at the wrong end of my whacking stick.
Just for extra harshness, I devised a trap that tips a bucket of freezing water on them if they try to climb a ladder, it’s so effective I have caught myself with it twice.
A bucket of freezing water and a huge horn blaring into your face is not what they might want at 3 am. Followed by 4 angry guys appearing a minute later and arguing over who gets to bring the punishment down first.
My day.
6:30 wake up and eat protein bar then go across to dome.
Make coffee.
work on dome … hammer… bend, fold, pin work, shape, and mold.
11:00 go-to deli for a massive 10-dollar breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, mushrooms, spaghetti, onions, and a double shot mochaccino
11:45. Hammer hammer bend fold etc.
6:00 Go to Hotel, shower.
6:30 go to the workers club for yummy dinner.
7:30 back to the hotel. watch televise, read, write letters to music on internet radio.
Listen to progressive melodic power metal, and worry about where I have gone wrong and why the choices I have made in my life had led me here instead of into the arms of the voluptuous Tarija Tarkiainen – power metal opera singer of Finlands progressive power metal giants Nightwish
12:00 Blackout and wait in trepidation for the horn which will cause me to spring into action snatch up my wooden sword and go and seriously prod some buttock.
Harsh dome traps on the maggots update….
The maggots broke in again and they threw our kettle off the roof causing us to lose three smoko times of teas nourishing goodness and that is a harsh thing when you are a hard dome worker.
They also ate the rest of our fruit cake.
Anyway, what we think happened was that they set off the car horn alarm but we did not hear it as we were so tired. I’m pretty sure they got doused by the freezing water as the bucket was smashed to bits, probably in some sort of cold-induced frenzy.
We had to initiate sinister phase two of our trap-setting operation.
The dome is now fully locked up and we have the horn alarm and the water trap (in a different location) as well as 36 pieces of specially wrapped (and kind of hidden but not quite) laxative chocolate, placed in a regular high-end chocolate bar wrapper.
Extra strength!
A constipated adult should have max 3 pieces. I had two as a trial and I’m not even going to talk about what happened. So if the kids munch it all down which they did with the last normal chocolate we left up there we should be able to just follow the brown trail to where they lie in a shits-induced paralysis.
The coup de grace of our citadel of pain is a powerful electric fence unit hooked up to heaps of wire hanging around the head, hand, and groin level.
The shock is enough to make you cry and be all fucked up and shaky and worried about touching anything for about 3 days.
I decided to test the wire out as well as I didn’t believe it would hurt.
So now we wait.
I also bought a big black velvet cape from some goth chick at the market.
The Dome was nearing completion with no sign of the maggots.
And The scaffold crew arrived to start the dismantling process.
When I went to pack up the traps I found half of the “chocolate” missing.
Someone from the scaffolding crew thought he would sneak some!
Woe betide the naughty scaffold guy as he heads home in the truck and thinks to sneak out a little fart and winds up POOPING HIMSELF !!!
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Amazing writing, can relate to the weird ozzie lifestyle and goofball moments to stave off the boredom of living on the biggest Island in the world.
Hey feel free to download my free ebook/pdf
Roadhouse messiah on my web page if your interested
Cheers
Keep up the good work.
https://www.saxxoncreative.com/writing/
Omg I’m crying