Tribal Solstice Shaman Led Forest Healups.

PART II .The real deal. Crystals Zero. Dream Catchers Zero.

Bear drives, Raven rides wingman. I am in the middle of the backseat as we head to the sacred site.

The sacred site chosen was “The Cabin”. Bear’s parents had a bush cabin!

30 minutes north of Victoria in the deep woods, on the shores of Lake Cowichan.

When they were younger and less wise, this cabin was of course used for all kinds of off-the-rails hedonistic shenanigans.

But we were wise shamans now and totally done with dead-end druggie time waste.

We assembled the tribe.

Bear, Raven, Ravens pregnant Guatemalan missus, a half First Nations Canadian girl with a big mop of curly hair, let’s call her Summer… and Random drifter blow-in Me.

We drove up together in Bear’s little beater car he bought for 333 dollars, and already we were out of our minds with the power and spirituality of the event.

Non-stop chat boost rants the whole way from us—silent power and reflection on the coming event from Bear.

His entire demeanor changed. He took on a Jesus-like aspect, super loving and powerful…he was going to heal us all and lead us out of the darkness!

We set to work setting it up for the Ceremony that was to take place in two days.

Bear guided us through, Raven was his wingman. I acted solemn and focused and did what I was told. Clearing the brush around the river and building the sweat lodge out of curved branches and blankets.

We were all pretty chill, we worked hard, and I learned about some edible plants. One was some wild licorice root that would go in the water in the sweat lodge.

There was lots to do. The gals were preparing food and we were chopping firewood and building the sacred site.

That night we had a fire and sang songs. No electricity, no booze, just the stars and pure caring for each other as spiritual beings on a journey…

The Guatemalan gal couldn’t speak a word of English, the half-native gal was too sexy for me to even look at or really talk to. She was also… a bit wild…

I was engaged and celibate and being super pure and not being led into any kind of temptation, mental or physical.

The morning of the Summer Solstice day I woke from where I slept on the floor of the cabin to everyone making and eating breakfast bare arse naked.

OK. Was this part of the thing? … I guess it was… Pregnant naked big butt gal, Half native gal bare ass big perky tits and hairy box out, Raven bare skinny assed and Daddy Bear striding about big dick a-swingin.

All young healthy bodies… with no sexual vibe. Now that was weird.

A note on that.

A few times in my life I have been a momentary nudist, but generally in our “society,” anyone who takes their clothes off is just nuts, a stripper, about to have a shower or have sex. In New Zealand, we would sometimes get hammered enough to get all our clothes off and go skinny dipping, but it was always a drunken thing and always had a cringey sexual, checking-each-other-out vibe.

This was just totally different. We were in a very spiritual space and there were no embarrassing hard ons or weirdness. Yet I will caution you. If you are ever in a tribal all-clothes-off solstice celebration, go for the high fives, not the hugs.

Because you will touch cocks, and you will never ever be able to block that experience out.

Well, I was 25, strong, good-looking, and had zero shame so I got up and got naked like it was something I did all the time and we got to work…

It was freeing and I will likely never be in a situation where I can do it again… but may the gods bless that glorious naked day.

It was a quiet day of reflection and Bear led us through the prayers in the morning calling in the gods and spirits and such… the ceremonial aspect of what went down is sacred so I’m not going to detail it… but that’s fine because what you want to hear about is the funniest shit ever and that went down around lunchtime.

Bear and I were carrying the blankets that were to cover the sweat lodge we had built.

And we heard loud house/trance music bleeping and farting and coming closer up the drive.

Into the clearing in front of the cabin roared a big black twin cab truck blaring the music. The back seemed loaded with coolers, and party stuff. Inside the truck were two cool tanned frosted tips gold chain guys and two good looking makeup-wearing, hairspray, gum-chewing, cig held out window gals. I hope you get the picture here.

I could see our tribal women looking at the arrivals from the window of the cabin, with deep concern. Their faces like smacked bums.

I thought… this … is … interesting…

What I correctly guessed was that they were Bear and Raven’s old mates from their party days of the cabin times of off-the-rails hedonistic shenanigans.

They had heard from Bear’s parents that “The Boys are up at the Cabin for the weekend”

Which obviously meant off-the-rails hedonistic shenanigans and absolutely not solemn drug-free naked ass in the woods Tribal Solstice Shaman Led Forest Healups.

So they rolled up with their beers and their whiskey and wine and weed and trance music and tons of meat to barbeque and bags of chips and big bright lanterns and air mattresses.

Bear did not miss a beat.

Throwing the blankets aside, he opened his arms wide and long shlong a swinging stroke over to the truck FULL JESUS with SPARKLY EYES TECHNIQUE on full blast.

“Welcome Brothers and Sisters!”

I just stood there grinning like a spaz.

Fuck you should have seen their faces. The gal’s mouths were wide Os of shock and I lip read “What… The… Fuck” With eyes right to his dong.

So Bear is over there at the door of the truck and catching them up about his trip to Guatemala and what’s going on here. He’s got the fire.

He tells them we are having a tribal solstice ceremony. We are purifying ourselves. No sex, no whacking it, no booze, no drugs, good sleep, enough water, exercise, and only organic food! All the love all the time, bare assed in the woods, all crammed into sweat lodge together for hours naked and chanting and drumming and wigging in the darkness followed by going off into the woods by yourself to sleep and pray for guidance from the great spirit.

He makes the pitch: looking them right in the eyes … and with powerful intention, focusing his communications directly into the center of his head…maybe AT the pineal.. standing in a kind of mini power stance, commanding but not hostile….says: “JOIN US!”

There is a pained silence… the glassy-eyed city folk stare, one of the guys has the audacity to look back at the girls and I lip-read “Whaddya think?” I could hear the loud response. “Get fucked, No Fucking way.” The other gal was just a full frowny face and was projecting a pissed-off / disgusted combo vibe.

I waved to them and smiled my most hippy-whack job smile.

I waved as they reversed on out of there silently.

It was the intersection of two worlds for a moment.

Perfume vrs essential oils, tribal drums vrs Techno…

No one got out of that car and got their clothes off to do nonsexual naked hugs followed by ceremony madness.

It just wasn’t in them.

I said to Bear “It would have been pretty crazy if they joined us anyway bro”

He said, “It would have been a great blessing.”

He was so badass, with so much love.

So we got the ceremony going and it was awesome.

We all crammed into the sweat lodge together for hours, chanting and drumming and wigging in the darkness followed by going off into the woods by ourselves to sleep.

One of the most amazing things was the deep cold river pool next to the sweat lodge When you came out absolutely twisted, you got a rock and waded in and let the rock take you down to the black midnight bottom.

Man o Man. It was like being a unit of out-of-body consciousness in outer space.

You had to remember you were a human. Then you would drop the rock and swim up.

At one point I almost didn’t make it out … and burst up gasping. But Raven and Bear were there. “We’ve got you brother!” they said saving me and carrying me to the shore… where… the half-native girl was crouching about 15 feet away doing long super massive loud healing power screams!

It was a bit much for me at that point and I just lay on the ground looking at the stars.

The ceremony was amazing, Bear was a great Shaman and we got all the goodness.

I will share one powerful and healing spiritual thing.

If you read the story Bad Man Jan ( the second story in my Substack ) you will know that there was a bad man in my life called Jan who treated me badly when I was six and I had decided to really hurt him when I was older and big and strong. I had previously decided that after this ceremony I was going to pay him this revenge visit.

It was in the ceremony while led by Bear, that I fully forgave Bad Man Jan.

When I went to his place a few weeks later and saw him, there was no hate there.

It was gone, washed away in the purifying waters.

We went out into the woods alone after the ceremony and asked the spirit world for guidance. I tell you it worked. I went on to become a great healer of broken beings, Bear and Raven went on and did very well in life and primal scream girl became a stripper and not long after that a disease-ridden hooker working the BC truck stops.

A “Lot Lizard” as they call them.

Just kidding, I have no idea what happened to her but I’m sure she’s rocking too.

And so ends the tale.

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