The Fire Rises. Full Woo Woo.

The Shaman Healing Friendship begins.

Me on one of my solo mission campouts.
I can’t include any photos of these guys as they were intensely private. They would probably not want me writing about them or talking about what went down.
As they don’t use the internet and I have changed their names, the chances of them finding out about this story are low.

So … here we go…

One does not ask why a fire burns or a plague spreads… don’t ask why I write.

The two bearded Wizards were actually two guys in their early 20s. They had recently returned from Guatemala! Where they had been for almost a year. They had been back a few days and were doing the rounds, saying hi to old school friends. The Ginger Menace was one of them.

But I needed in on this friendship, as I was also a wizard as they soon discovered!

We became great mates and started hanging out and having deep spiritual and philosophical chats.

Let’s call them Raven and Bear. I would love to include photos of which I have many… but they were very private people and what went down was very sacred.

But as I am a trickster myself… I will write about the sacred…

Revealed to me over the next few weeks was their story.

They were hippy as fuck guys, trained as much as possible in new age shamanism as is easy to do in BC.

Fed up with suburban materialistic life, bullshit jobs, druggy friends, and pressure from their wealthy middle-class parents to aspire to something, they fled their hometown… to Guatemala to go into the wilderness and learn about sacred things.

The real deal. No more shrooms around the backyard fire pit, sage smudges, crystals, and dream catchers… no… its welcome to the Jungle baby!

They traveled about as tourists for a bit but then started staying in the jungle and camping out near sacred sites. The old pyramids where the human sacrifices went down. You can study up on all that, it’s some scary stuff.

They wanted to communicate with the spirits and be guided in the tribal ways.

Well, one night they were heading up a pyramid to hopefully have a freaky spiritual experience and they got caught by a park ranger.

He thought at first they were just idiot tourists but when he saw their tribal outfits and talked to them he realized they were actually trying to really learn some deep shamanistic stuff and thought the spirits of the old pyramids would help them out.

The ranger happened to be the big boss Shaman of the whole area. He explained that the pyramids are sacred but also very dangerous due to the tremendous amount of human sacrifices over hundreds of years. A vortex of dark energy that could make you very sick or even kill you. Which is why many of them are totally off-limits.

He took them to his Village and they stayed there. They lived there and trained in Mayan Shamanism with him and other people for months.

Now they were back! And they had the FIRE.

So we hung out and I saw them quite a bit over the next few weeks…

However… anyone who has lived up in the rarified air of the spirit world and then returned to the human world soon learns about The Crash.

Let me tell you about THE CRASH.

When you come back to town, from the Ashram, Mt Olympus, Monastery, Vipassana retreat, or the four-day empowerment “love yourself and let go” seminar, and your verily humming with spiritual energy and ready to drive out the swines and walk on water… an interesting phenomenon occurs.

Sometimes the state can be maintained for a week sometimes three sometimes the high can be maintained for months, but the crash always comes… ( well I lie… there are ways to not crash but this is not a discourse on spirituality its a story about twisted shit going down).

For those of you who have never sought out high and authentic spiritual states, I recommend It.

I also recommend The Crash. Both are equally valid learning experiences.

One moment you have people coming up to you in the street bursting into tears and telling you their problems… and with a benediction and a wave of your hand they walk away smiling and healed.

The next moment you find yourself about as spiritually powerful as a kitten born dead, and suddenly think going to raves with a vape and goatee is a good idea.

There is a reason the monks have vows and stay in the Temple and don’t fuck and pound beers.

Anyway… Bear and Raven were new to the game and I wasn’t going to kill their buzz.

I was born to the crash… raised by it…

So Raven lasted three weeks, and Bear lasted two.

Bear started hanging with some of his old pals and was back on the Devil’s lettuce within a week. Then he hooked up with a skinny, twisted but hot and blond pixie-looking gal who was an ex from before he went away.

They went to a bush rave, she took ecstasy and cheated on him. That was him done.
He put on a hoodie and shoes and started talking about hockey again.

Raven did better… he wasn’t as good-looking. Bear looked like a young Chuck Norris, super outgoing and loving. He was a target for the evil.

Raven was pretty sly. Intelligent, quiet. Cunning. We got on well, sharing tales of scams and tricks we had pulled. My Spirit Animal is the Raven.

He was wise enough to recognize I had been around the block.

I judge people entirely based on how cool they think I am.

But… it was two things that took him down. The first one was his parents ragging on him to do something with his life. They were both doctors and were smashing him daily. He was back living in his old bedroom. Surrounded by his old Star Wars toys, the hidden porno mags, the school photos, the shame the sadness.

He was pretty depressed …at one point and I asked…

“When was the exact moment you felt you lost your shamanic powers”

Raven “ When I went to the grocery store with my mum and carried groceries in and stocked up the fridge with utter shit chemical poison food. Then got hungry and ate some of the shit sugar poison food. Then I had a shit molson beer with my dad while he ranted to me about doing something with my life. Then I got a call from Guatemala and found out that the gal that I was dating there Just wanted to let me know that she was pregnant.”

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My Shaman Brothers were being straight-up fucked.

All their power was gone.

They were miserable sorry furtive eyed sad bastards now.

Raven was being fucked by THE MAN, as represented by the well-meaning conversations with his concerned middle-class parents and the fridge full of shitty chemical-filled food.

Bear was being fucked by THE FORCES OF DARKNESS in the form of sweet sweet weedy oblivion and the hootchie coochy ass-shaking lure of his cheating pixie gal.

I know all about the MAN and how he tries to crush the dreams of the Shaman.

I liked to think of myself as a reverse “De-Programmer”.

The guy that fights to KEEP you AT the weird commune.

I’m there for every person who asks If they should go to college or instead hitchhike across the country.

I’m there for every person who hates their job and boss and thinks they should quit but doesn’t know how they will live (the answer is dumpsters).

Move in the Direction of the Madness, with a Clear Body a Clear Mind, and an open Heart. Do what you want. All other cunts can get fucked. When your head hits the pillow, you are the only one who has to live with you. So if you want to keep the baby at 16, fucking keep the baby and let the chips fall where they may. Let your life become “An affirmation of freedom so reckless and unqualified, that it amounts to a total denial of every kind of restraint and limitation”.
And for good measure “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

Because fuck it.

Live free man! Don’t live as a slave to others. Blah Blah Blah. You get it, or you wouldn’t have subscribed.

This attitude got me in a WORLD of shit of course, as I’ve led armies of kids off the paths of others and onto their own. I had to move about a lot…fleeing angry parents.

I digressed into freedom rantspace there for a second… bear with me.

I knew as a team we had the power to salvage the situation and get our power back!

I had the know-how. I just had to find the right time to tell them my plan.

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That time came quickly… we were out the back of the Ginger Menaces place late at night, he had a small party going on. Total Human Dingus fest.

We had fled to the kitchen which stank so bad so then out the door, and to the back patio.

Bear was trying to keep himself away from the weed and was outside taking deep breaths and trying not to think about the chick which occupied about 97% of all his thoughts…

Raven was morosely drinking a bottle of cider. And had lapsed into a sullen silence.

Suddenly he looked at the bottle of booze and said “THIS IS BULLSHIT”

And threw it into the wall of the house.

Boom SMASH!

In the silence that followed… I cooly said

“It’s Grade A Bullshit bro. But I have a plan to get all our powers back! We are gonna call it Operation Get all the Magic Powers back and Re-Enter the Spirit world!

Are you Fuckin READY!”

They looked at me with hope… because enthusing sad MFs is my business.

Yes, they were fucking ready.

Tune in next story for:

Operation Get all the Magic Powers back and Re-Enter the Spirit world!

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